Why do I love Failing?
Failure, a word that most of us dread. This is something that all of us want to stay away from. Just like many of you, from early childhood I was taught that failure is a bad thing and that we should avoid it AT ALL COSTS. University and other extra curricular experiences helped me understand that failure is actually a normal part of life and is something that is critical for our growth.
A common motto you see many quoting is: “If you aren't failing you're not taking big enough risks”. And I completely agree with this, I believe that if everything in your life is going as planned and you are not experiencing failure, you ARE living within your comfort zone without stretching and growing.
So why do we fear failure?
Failure is often accompanied by a variety of emotions: embarrassment, anxiety, anger, sadness, and shame, to name a few. Those feelings are uncomfortable, and most of us will do anything to escape these.
It is natural to avoid things that can cause discomfort. Failure can be an extremely painful, embarrassing and sometimes shameful experience. So why do we think of failure as a bad thing? Often, we tie the concept of failure to our personal sense of self-worth
However, we need to start coming to the realization that failure is critical for our growth. We learn from failure, gain new perspectives about life, and learn how to perform differently next time. Failure provides us with information and knowledge that gets us closer to our goals.
Failure of famous people
Walt Disney got rejected 302 times before someone was willing to give him financing to help build Disney world
Colonel Harland Sander heard the word “no” 1009 times before his famous KFC recipe was purchased
Michael Jordan was quoted saying: “I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot, and I missed. I have failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
These people were able to succeed because they accepted failure as part of their growth and improved every single time!
Benefits of failing
As Mel Schwartz writes , “the paradox is that the consequences that we try so hard to avoid may be precisely what we need to experience.”
Just like playing a video game we need to acquire a certain amount of experience and wisdom to move to the next level. This is similar to life, where we need to overcome challenging experiences in order to take the next step in our lives and see real growth
How one article quotes:
“It is possible that your biggest mistake in your career can be precisely what you learn to master so well you can teach it to others. And that can serve as the steppingstone for the next breakthrough in your life.
It is possible that your financial mistakes revealed your limiting beliefs about money, and by fixing them, you can learn to acquire wealth.
It is possible that your failure in public speaking motivates you to master this skill, and you become admirably great at this and learn to love it.”
Steps to Overcome and Learn From Failure
What can we do to be more proactive in experiencing and overcoming failure, here are some tips:
1) Accept your emotions
A 2017 study published in the Journal of Behavioral Decision Making claimed that we should accept the emotions that come with failure, it is okay to feel upset or angry. We should not be afraid to acknowledge how we are feeling.
2) Practice Healthy Coping Skills
Do you ever go to the gym when feeling stressed or call a friend for advice after an unsuccessful test, well these might be your coping skills. Try to figure out a few coping skills that work for YOU and use them whenever you fail…which we all do….. A LOT
3) Reframe your thoughts
Have you ever been late to class simply because your car wouldn't start? Well, I sure have, and that is okay. Realize that many failures that we come upon in our lives are external factors, sometimes factors we have absolutely no control over and no matter how much we plan we will not be 100% ready for them. Most importantly don’t beat yourself over with this.
4) Remind yourself
Whenever you are faced with failure try to have the following thoughts:
Failure is the evidence that I am challenging myself and growing
I have failed in the past and I was able to overcome it, and I will overcome it this time
I can handle this failure and I can learn from it
5) Create a game plan
Okay now you faced failure head on, created coping mechanisms, now what? Next step is to analyze this failure and understand what can be done in the future. Easiest example is if you scored a low grade on the test, try to analyze what topics and sections in the test were the most difficult, and focus all your attention on those topics. Learning from your mistakes is the most critical skill that will help you grow.
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Final Thoughts
Failure is a great teacher, a valuable lesson and at the same time our worst enemy. Many of us are afraid to fail, as we have always been taught that failure does not equal success or winning.
By starting to reframe our thinking of failure and analyzing how certain failures can be prevented in the future, we can take these lessons as steppingstones in our lives. Steppingstones that will help us grow, learn new skills, and become more successful in both personal and professional lives.
Use failure as your new best friend, rather than an enemy you want to avoid. And this is why I love failing!
Vladislav Gavrilov
Vice President Students